ceLLarDoOr (cellardoor379) wrote in thewritestuff,

A satire...constructive criticism is greatly appreciated ^_^

There is a live journal community exclusively for beautiful people called "the exalted", formerly known as "non_uglies" but then some ugly people trickled in and then they thought that as a whole they weren't beautiful enough so they downsized on their community members. Apparently you gotta get officially approved "beautiful". The beautiful people come herding in like cattle and the judges come round and smack em with a big grade-A stamp. They even got creative and made their own official stamp, which desperately ugly people try to forge. However, beautiful people shall not be fooled since they have supernatural powers for sensing ugliness--kinda like a spidey-sense for ugly people. Besides the obvious rule of having to be beautiful they also have rules like, if you get a majority "cute" ruling, you will be booted off to "the cuties" community where munchikins will eat you alive. They also have other rules like "Don't bother the moderators for a stamp for at LEAST 24 hours after you post if you have not received one, and NEVER make an additional post asking to be stamped. IM us. One of us is always online checking out how many comments we recieved on how beautiful we are today. Beautiful people are patient and beautiful people have lives, too. Aren't we human--although supernaturally beautiful? Cut us and do we not bleed--bleed beautiful blue blood? Break a nail do we not go owie owie owie?" They also have rules like, "Don't get all whiny, indignant, righteous, and pissy if you don't get accepted--just get a new face or something--we have...plenty of times." And also have rules like Rule #8, "Once you are a member of the_exalted, please don't bash other accepted members. This may seem petty--ok it is petty. We are beautiful community here and beautiful people don't talk crap about eachother in journals... we do it offline-- so email us individually." And finally as a disclaimer they state, "This community is not to be taken seriously. It's obviously all in good fun hehe. Have a nice day. BTW ugly people still not allowed." The_exalted also have a definition of exalted posted in their user information, since beautiful people forget what exalted means all the time. But they should not be blamed or made fun of. Tsk tsk-- that's breaking Rule #8. You see, beautiful people are delicate creatures and can only retain certain bits of information. It's not that they're not as bright, it's just that their head is so filled with other things, you know beautiful things, like unicorns. Thus, their head is unnaturally large, but nonetheless beautiful. The definition listed on their community page gives three definitions of exalted, just to be as accurate as possible so that everyone knows what criteria they must fulfill: exalted 1. To raise in rank, character, or status; elevate. 2. To glorify, praise, or honor. 3. To increase the effect or intensity of; heighten." Beautiful people also forget how to pronounce exalted so they write it out phonetically "ex-ahl-ted." Now don't be fooled by generic community sites, such as "non_uglies", "non_uglies2", "pretty_people", and "best_non_uglies" because they are all posers and they do not have the cool stamp like the_exalted ones do.
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